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Looking After Yourself

Emotional Health

Why fertility can be so hard emotionally, and where to find support.

  • 2 minread
  • 5sections
  • 2myths checked
  • 6sources

emotional healthstressanxietydepressioncounsellingCBTsupport

Watercolour of a couple walking hand in hand along a quiet beach, with colourful beach huts and mountains behind.
These feelings are real, common and worth looking after, in their own right.

Preview for Kara’s review. Educational draft · clinical approval pending.

Trying to conceive, going through tests and waiting for results can be some of the hardest experiences in a person’s life. Those feelings are real, common and worth looking after, in their own right.

Kara explains

Fertility treatment can be very stressful, and support for your wellbeing matters in its own right. Research has not shown that stress is a major cause of treatment failing, so there’s no need to add guilt about feeling stressed to everything else.

You are not alone

These feelings are a normal response to a hard situation.

Studies from around the world find that around a third or more of women going through infertility have symptoms of depression, and in South Africa, research has shown how heavy the emotional and social pressure can be. These feelings are a normal response to a hard situation.

When it can feel hardest

It helps to plan support around the moments that can feel hardest.

Stress tends to peak at egg collection, embryo transfer and the wait before a pregnancy test, and a negative result can bring intense sadness. These feelings are common, and it helps to plan support around those moments.

Support that helps

Counselling, especially CBT, can help you feel less anxious and low during fertility treatment.

Counselling and psychological support, especially cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), can help you feel less anxious and low during fertility treatment. It’s worth asking your clinic what support it offers. Some studies suggest support may also be linked to slightly higher pregnancy rates, but this isn’t proven to lead to more babies, so the main reason to seek support is to look after yourself.

Men feel it too

Men are affected too, even if they talk about it less.

Men are affected too, even if they talk about it less. Studies of men’s experience find real anxiety around diagnosis and treatment, and many men say they would like emotional support from their clinic.

If you are struggling

Please talk to your doctor or a counsellor; in South Africa, SADAG offers free support.

Please talk to your doctor or a counsellor. In South Africa, SADAG (the South African Depression and Anxiety Group) offers free support. If you have thoughts of harming yourself, call SADAG’s 24-hour Suicide Crisis Helpline on 0800 567 567, or go to your nearest emergency unit.

Myth vs evidence

Myth

“Just relax and it will happen.”

Evidence

Research has not shown that stress is a major cause of treatment failing. Support matters for how you feel, not because anyone is to blame.

Myth

“Counselling is a way to get pregnant.”

Evidence

Counselling helps with anxiety and low mood. It isn’t proven to lead to more babies. The reason to seek it is to look after yourself.

Take to your appointment Ask your healthcare professional
  1. What emotional support does your clinic offer, and can I see a counsellor?
  2. Can my partner come to appointments and counselling too?
  3. Can we plan breaks between treatment cycles if we need them?

Words you may hear

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)
A talking therapy that helps you notice and change unhelpful patterns of thinking and behaviour.
Psychosocial support
Emotional and practical support offered alongside medical care.
Two-week wait
The time between ovulation or embryo transfer and a pregnancy test.
Kara’s key takeaway

Looking after your emotional health is part of the process, not a sign that you’re not coping.

Watch with Kara

Videos on this topic are coming to the channel:

  • Does Stress Affect Fertility?
  • Looking After Your Emotional Health During Fertility Treatment
  • Talking to Your Partner About Fertility
  • Where to Find Fertility Support in South Africa

See the video schedule

It takes two
Concept illustration, not to scale.

Male fertility belongs in the same conversation. These illustrated guides pair with this topic:

Keep learning

Want the foundations in one place? The free Fertility Starter Guide covers ten things everyone should understand about their fertility.

Get the free guide

Sources 6 studies and guidelines Show the research